A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
