I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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