y did u give ur computer a hand job?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
