im six kinds of drunk right now
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
