Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
