she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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