I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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