my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
