Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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