im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
