it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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