My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
