At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
