I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
