I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
