Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
