Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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