awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
