Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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