Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize