There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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