party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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