I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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