i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
