like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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