I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have post one night stand depression
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
