You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
