i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
