new low.... made out with someone while peeing
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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