Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
