I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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