Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sober January is a disaster.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
