You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
