I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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