i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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