that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
