I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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