Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
