there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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