Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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