he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
