I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
