Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
