i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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