Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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