Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
