I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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