well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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