Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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