we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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