If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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