Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
