the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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