I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
