I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
