i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
