She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize