The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
