I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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