so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
