Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize