I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
