oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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