So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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