How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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