Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
