What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
