ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
