after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
