i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
