He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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