Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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