I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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