This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
