Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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