Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
