just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize