All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
