Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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