cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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