I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
