drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
