i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
