just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We smell like vodka and hangover
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
