Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The feeling are messing with the penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
