My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
