A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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