She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
