Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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