the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
