See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
