someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
