I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
