This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this boner is exhausting
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize