Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just found puke in my bra..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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