cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
