Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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