wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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