dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
