At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
