I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
