"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
