I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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