and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was like eating out sand paper
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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