It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
