I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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