I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
